“Where there’s a will, there’s a relative.”
That quip (a wry joke common amongst lawyers) hints at some of the issues raised by Thomas Deans in his latest book, The Happy Inheritor. Why do so many families fight over money, sometimes to the point of contesting wills and tying up estates in legal disputes? Why do so many families fail to transfer wealth from one generation to the next successfully? And what differentiates the families that do it well from those that do it poorly?
As a psychologist specializing in the dynamics of family wealth, I am always eager to investigate these questions. Deans’ book provided some thought-provoking explorations.
The Happy Inheritor is written in the engaging style of a business fable – eavesdropping on friends and colleagues (namely, a facilitator, a psychologist, and a lawyer) gathered on the eve of a vital client family meeting. There’s a domineering patriarch, yet another new stepmother, alienated adult children, and bewildered grandchildren. Some of those “extra” features are piled on top of all the usual family dynamics, which, in turn, get magnified by the addition of significant wealth.
How can they help a family that has stymied so many other professionals and steadfastly resisted estate planning?
A unique contribution of Deans’ book is its unpacking of one of the most psychologically devastating personality disorders a family might have to deal with during the estate planning process: the narcissist. Deans is compassionate but unyielding in his delineation of how narcissists use their power within family systems to charm, manipulate, block, and banish various members. He provides helpful advice on what to do when faced with such individuals.
The Happy Inheritor makes a cogent case for the value of family meetings in ensuring that procrastination is called out, important topics are addressed, and families grow closer across generations. I recommend it to advisors and their clients alike.
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